Life Lesson in Pain & Love.

My partner and I wearing our MS Walk shirts at Kelowna’s annual MS Walk. Mine says “I have MS”.

Last month, on May 8th, I had the worst migraine I have had since January 2020. It nearly landed me in the hospital and I was met with tears, vomiting, and a lot of fear.

June 8th, it happened again.

I had been volunteering at Kelowna’s Strongest and nearing the end of the day I felt a migraine coming on. I got myself home, took meds, ate food/hydrated, but it was too late. The pain gradually got worse.

I went to bed hoping I might sleep it off but was woken by it at 2am.

The next morning I got up around 8:30am, much later than usual but I had hoped resting more might help. It did not. I could barely move due to the pain and whenever I tried to do anything, I was quickly overwhelmed by it, my chest tightening and tears streaming down my face. “If this keeps happening, I can’t do it” I said to myself, surrendering to the tears once more.

If you get migraines, you probably know light, noise, and really just being vertical aren’t the greatest. I spent most of the day laying down, trying to nurse myself with sips of water and Pedialyte. I was so exhausted from the pain that I had no will for self care, so my partner called me every hour and seeing that message helped me get up enough to take these steps. Otherwise, I would have just kept laying down and I would’ve gotten far worse, much more quickly.

Whenever I went vertical though, everything I’d tried to nourish my body with, came back up. By the second round of vomiting (far past the point of there being nothing left), I knew. I had to go to the hospital.

But I really did not want to. The two other times I had gone for something similar were terrible experiences. The florescent lights, waiting upright in a chair for hours, being given Tylenol that I knew wasn’t going to help but I took it anyway because it was my only option and I needed some semblance of hope if I was going to get through this . . . My resolve to go quickly turned to fear and grief surrounding those past experiences.

I called my partner weighing options and when he asked me what I needed I broke down in tears once more and said “I don’t know”. He didn’t even hesitate before saying “I’m coming to get you and taking you to the hospital”.

From intake to seeing a physical doctor in a room took less than half an hour. When the doctor asked what they’d done to help me before I replied “Tylenol”. He looked shocked. “Well I’m not going do to that,” he replied, before going on to list the multitude of options they had to help me - none of which were narcotics.

From there, it took about 15 minutes for my IV to get put in and then treatment started.

Within an hour I was starting to feel better, and within three hours I was able to go home.

During my stay, I had friends checking in on me constantly, offering rides and support if needed. A neighbour went to visit my cat so he wouldn’t be alone and anxious (he is a true care taker and worries a lot when I am sick). I had people I’d only just met this weekend messaging me, and sending me well-wishes. There was so much love. So much sense of community.

The pain of a migraine can be the most debilitating and isolating I have ever experienced. But being shown I would not be left alone through it, that brought me to a different kind of tears. I realized truly through that day just how loved I am.

Reflecting on the first time this had happened, there’s been a full transformation. I did have support, but the person I was dating had stayed off work due to stomach upset from eating dairy. He did not even call or text once that day while I was in the hospital. I had to call him to give him updates.

I should note, my Nana and mom were there by my side the entire time. If I recall correctly, my Nana dropped me off at the hospital and once I was home my mom picked me and Christoph up to go to her house with air conditioning and finish my recovery. She was there by my side when I shared about the lack of support I was getting.

This time? My partner (and I use that word very intentionally, especially in this story) brought me snacks when I needed it and when I got a notification that I had to change my pump site, he said “You stay there, I’ll get things” and came back with everything I needed. I didn’t realize he even knew or had paid that much attention.

The lesson: Things can be and are different.

Though the experience I had on June 8th that brought me to the hospital was the same as years ago, the way I moved through it was entirely different. And I am grateful for the opportunity to have been able to see and recognize that.

Now, I am not entirely out of pain yet, though it is more manageable. I seem to have burst a blood vessel in my eye when vomiting and due to my health history there was worry it may actually be another auto-immune condition. So far though, and trip to the Doctor and another ER trip later, I am officially in the clear of that. It does mean no heavy lifting until it gets better, though, which also means my body being in extreme joint/muscular/nerve pain due to the lack of weighted mobility.

Today though, I am cleared to get back to the gym and start very light. No big lifts, but at least I can do something and start to hopefully feel a bit better. While the pain of the migraine knocked me out, the pain I have now is preventing me from sleeping. Standing hurts, sitting hurts, and my nerves are constantly firing.

But, I know I will get through it and I will be supported as I do.